no durmiendo y llegando a su trabajo tarde. Muchas cosas que pueden suseder negativa. Eso se puede evitar cambiando los mensajes que ese papa se dice. Porque son negativos, irracionales, y mentiras. Como va hacer eso?

Vamos a comenzar con un ejemplo. Vamos llamar el senor Rafael. Rafael tiene una hija cual se llama Laura. Laura tiene 16 anos y ella insiste salir con sus amistades de noche. Y como Rafael no puede controlar su hija como el quiere controlarla, pues se siente ansioso cada vez que sale por la puerta. Rafael tiene que abrir su libreta y anotar los A B y C. Como nosotros emos hablado en los videos anterior. El A es que la hija sale de noche, el C es el sentimiento de ansiedad y la conducta es que el le pelea, y no duerme. Conducta negativa. Pero la A, la acion que ella sale de noche no causa la C, la emocion de ansiedad y su conducta.

Siempre hay un pensamiento por el medio que causa la emocion, y ahi es donde tenemos que mirar. Cuales son los mensajes que rafael se esta diciendo. Algunos mensajes pueden ser, que halgo le va pasar a mi hija. Que yo voy hacer si algo le pasa a mi hija? Yo no soy buen papa. Yo no puedo aguantarlo, no puedo vivir si halgo le pasa a mi hija. Porque es que ella no me hace caso. Ahora, estos mensajes son irracionales, negativos y mentiras. y siempre que uno se dice mentiras, uno va tener unos sentimientos negativos. Nosotros nos tenemos que decir cosas de verdad, cosas racionales.

Tenemos el A, que Laura sale por la puerta, el B Los mensajes que el se esta diciendo, que no es buen papa, que no vale como persona porque no puede mantener su hija, y que tiene miedo que algo le va pasar a su hija. y el C, la ansiedad, y la conducta, las peleas y que no puede durmir. Rafael tiene que ir al D y al E, El D es disputir los mensajes que se esta diciendo, como hace eso? Primeramente el dispute los mensajes que algo le va pasar a mi hija. Como el sabe que algo le va pasar a su hija? El tiene una bola majica que puede ver el futuro? No, nosotros como no podemos ver el futuro, no podemos decir que algo le va pasar. Pero si nos decimos esos mensajes nos vamos a sentir ansioso. Segundo, que el no es buen papa. Donde esta la logica, que esta sencilla acion que su hija sale y no le hace caso tiene que ver el tipo de papa que siempre sido esos 16 anos.

El no puede vivir si algo le pasa a ella. De nuevo, mentira, lamentablemente si algo le pasa a su hija el va poder siguir viviendo. El lo que necesita para vivir es agua, comida, y ire. So el va siguir viviendo si algo le pasa a su hija. Otra mentira. Si el se dice todas estas mentiras obviamente se va sentir mal. Lo que el tiene que hacer es sacar esos mensajes y poner unos racionales, unos de verdad. Como que? Algo le puede pasar a mi hija ya que esta saliendo, Pero yo voy a mantener la calma y voy a poder manejar la situacion. El hecho que ella salga por las noches y no me aga caso no tiene nada que ver con el tipo de papa que soy. El hecho que ella salga por la puerta no quiere decir que algo le va pasar. Puede que algo le pase pero no necesariamente.

Cuando el se dices estos mensajes nuevos y lo cres de verdad. Pues eso hace bajar el nivel de ansiedad de el. Y a bajar el nivel de ansiedad a una incomodidad, el puede mejor manejar la situacion. En ese estado de no ansiedad el puede hablar con su hija en una manera constructiva y tratar de llegar a un acuerdo. Ella puede salier un poco temprano, ella puede llamar cuando esta por afuera, otras cosas. Ahi el tiene mejor oportunidad de no pelear con su hija y de poder durmir. El tiene que sentir los nuevos mensajes de verdad racionales para poder ayudarse. Entiende? Espero que le haya sacado algo a este video de auto ayuda de ansiedad. Espero verte en los proximos videos donde vamos estar hablando de diferente temas. Que tenga una buen semana, que viva saludable y que viva felz. Hasta lluego.

These are the thoughts that are making, that are causing the anxiety feelings. Very important that we have the A, B and C. The activating event, the partner leaves the house, the B again why do they have to leave, what if something happens to them why can’t I go, these things. And C what causes
the emotion, the anxiety emotion and the behavior is that he starts calling and starts obsessing over this. Obviously, this is unhealthy. Now the D is the
dispute and we are going to dispute the belief. That is how we help Mike get better. Now Mike, since he’s a great CBT person, he takes out his journal and he writes this down because he notices himself nervous. So he writes the A, the partner leaves the house. He writes the B, the thoughts that we just mentioned and he’ll write the C, the consequence, the emotion of anxiety the pacing back and forth and the multiple phone calls. And he knows this is an unhealthy emotion and an unhealthy behavior. So he wants to dispute the beliefs. Now, he can dispute these beliefs that we just mentioned. Why does she have to leave the house , something bad may happen to her or him, why can’t I go and protect. Whatever it is, he can dispute these beliefs.

First of all yes, something may happen while the person is outside. However, the person, if it’s not a young person, the person is old enough to take care of themselves, the way Mike is able to take care of himself. Why can’t he go? Well how logical is that? Is he going to be going everyplace, every time his partner wants to leave the house. Why can’t the partner take care of the business at home. Well is it really logical that the person is going to stay home and take care of all their business? No, these beliefs aren’t logical at all. They are irrational. They are lies. Is Mike just telling himself a bunch of lies that are making himself anxious. But we look at those beliefs, these beliefs are high level, they are called automatic thoughts, like really fast and they are high leveled. There are some core thoughts here. And those are the ones that Mike should be more interested in. What are he core irrational thoughts that he’s having at this time. And as I’ve mentioned before something horrible is going to happen to my partner and when that horrible thing happens, I am not going to stand it. So those are the two core beliefs that Mike should be disputing. So we’ll help him out here. First of all, something horrible is going to happen to the person. Again, first of all, where is the evidence? We don’t have no evidence because it is something in the future and we don’t know if something is going to happen to that person or not. What’s most importantly here, is not so much disputing that something horrible may happen because in fact, something horrible may happen. But there is no certainty in life, so there is no way you’re going to control life and have certainty that nothing horrible is going to happen. That’s the first thing.

The second thing is when he tells himself that he is not going to be able to stand it. Now that’s a lie. He will be able to stand it, because we can stand anything. Again, I always like to ask, show me how you can’t stand something. There is no way because you can stand anything. Even torture, whatever, anything you can stand. The only thing you can’t stand is dying and by that point it’s not going to be a point, right. So basically, what I’m saying is that any horrible thing that may happen to us we have the human resilience to handle it and we do. And if you don’t believe that, then ask yourself, what is the situations that you cant handle. You are going to handle it one way or another because you are going to have to. That’s my point. If something horrible happens in the future, to anyone when that happens, that’s when you are going to have the strength, the resources, whatever it is to handle that, and you will. So it’s a lie to tell yourself that I’m not going to be able to handle it. There is no logic in it. There is no evidence. Because you have always handled everything. And it’s not helping you to think that you are not going to handle it, or be able to handle it. Its just making you nervous, anxious and you are not able to function. Okay so now that we have the A, B, C, and D. We need a new philosophy. We need this E. We need Mike to be telling himself something else. Something real. He took out the unreal thought, which is something horrible is going to happen and he is not going to handle it. We are going to put in a rational thought. And I like the word concern. Because we can be concern and still function. That’s an emotion that we can have and still function and not obsess. So it’s okay for Mike to be concern or a father to be concern about his daughter going out late, or a mother concern about her son’s first driving at sixteen, seventeen with their friends. Sure concern you can feel that it’s healthy. But, the way to feel concern is to tell yourself, that if you prefer nothing happens you wish nothing bad will happen to this person, but first of all, you cannot control that. Just like none can control anything happening in your life. And secondly, if something does happen you will be there. You will be able to handle it. You will be able to cope with it. You will be able to manage it and it won’t be a problem. What I’m saying is just that you make your own problem. You tell yourself lies. Mike tells himself lies. And those lies lead to an unhealthy negative emotion. And he tells himself, true stuff, real things like something horrible may happen but I will be able to manage it. Which is the truth, then he won’t feel anxious. He may feel concern if it’s a situation that merits that, if it’s his partner going out late night, whatever the case may be. Understand. Great. So I am glad that you joined me for this segment of the series. And I hope you will return for our future series which next week we are going to do a summary of the past video segments. Live healthy and live happy. Have a good week.